This bullshit again. Dusting off the old brain for another crossroads examination.

I’m a hardline decision maker in the sense that I rarely debate; I decide and I do. I, also, rarely look back to see if I missed the path….which has put me in some less than admirable situations.

It’s not a great personal attribute but it has also landed me some truly amazing experiences, which I *think* would tip the scales in my favor for this particular personality flaw. I have many, but that is for other times.

Once I turned 40, everything just seemed harder—all the while getting easier. I think about death often..but I’m totally into getting old. I miss the moments that I don’t remember by getting black out drunk, but I know they created the wild shit I do remember. Losing weight is hard but reminds me that I was pretty damn hot when I never felt that way. These are just the basic bitch things. There’s all kinds of metaphysical aspects that have gently (and not so) wandered their way back into my life that I’m exploring now… as a grown woman instead of a teenage girl into early 20’s— only to abandon it to have some quiet/dumb down. I’m ready for the noise and ascension. I’m also VERY into aliens again, lol.

That being said, I feel that I have enough life juice behind me that I can be confident in making hardline decisions as I always have. I think I can trust myself and the universe enough at this point because I did the time, still working on the work but the time is paid.

I did take more than 3 seconds to make some life changing decisions this time. I took a week, but I let it sit within me. I spoke with my partner. I let him know I was scared and sitting right there in my scaredy cat bullshit, without making a decision, led me to actually making one.

I don’t know if you’re like me, I simply don’t know something until I know it. I can’t figure things out immediately, I think that’s why I make the decisions the way I do. Just FUCKING GO…what’s the worst that could happen??? Well, everything and nothing.

My brain provides me with epiphanies on things where I simply go “OH, jesus fucking christ …ok–damn, got it”. That sentence is not made up. That little machine in my skull is working overtime while I’m doing other shit, knowing it has to be the one to take care of “us” (lol). Cause my dumb dumb ass is mindlessly meandering topically through something. Yes, I think my brain has a duality and I’m pretty sure there is science to prove it. *insert science reference here* (or please comment a link to what I didn’t research)

Who knows, when I log into this thing again in 6 months or a year (or never cause I’m dead), my life could be WILDLY different than the decision I’ve made to this new path. A few things will not have changed: my acceptance of how I got there and the little machine doing the work to change it, if it’s bad and I’m not dead.

Cheers to life juice. You may have more that you think stockpiled in that little machine of yours.

DRINK IT–I mean trust in it. OK BYE